Super Perv Strikes!

Lately we've been inundated with some fairly repugnant stories about our great educators molesting students, abusive coaches, attempted pick-ups in friendly neighborhoods, and even a local county supervisor with two sex charges against a minor.

Now there's another--possibly more insidious--force at work in our universe:

Super Pervy Businessman!


Even in this day and age, when everyone (unless you work from home, ha) is well aware of sexual harrassment, the pervy man still lurks among us.

Not necesarily the annoying guy in the cube next to you, or your condescending boss who ogles your bits and pieces, this perv strikes at seemingly innocuous meetings and gatherings of the public. Take today for instance--PRSA luncheon, Sheraton Hotel. A somewhat effeminate Genworth employee plants himself at the table and begins inappropriately touching my guest and fellow nonprofit worker!

First came the leering introduction, followed by sitting far too close to said guest. Then came leg slapping for emphasis--HER leg! The finale: the wormy white arm possessively draped over the back of her chair. When guest made it clear she was not interested in the Super Perv, he moved on to the girl on other side of him. What followed truly made me and the other innocent luncheon goers ill:

This is barely an exaggeration. If I weren't three years behind technology, I would have taken a picture with my camera phone. Knee squeezing, endless back rubbing (including the off-limits LOWER back), even HAIR rubbing took the focus from our delightful guest speaker and placed it squarely on the nauseating deviant weirdo instead.

I only hope the victim--who, admittedly seemed to enjoy it--went straight to the police station and was swabbed from head to toe.

WHY is this happening? Are dates and human contact so hard to come by that pervs must resort to fulfilling their sick desires at breakfast meetings and luncheons? Isn't that what the fucking internet is for?? I can't rest until justice is served.

"I'll be fighting for the right to eat my damn chicken and green beans in peace without being massaged by freaky pervs haunting business gatherings. Fair is fair!"