"Don't forget to accessorize"It began in nursery school with tennis shoes covered in fruit that all the other tots had but yours truly couldn't beg from Stride Rite since the dogs were growing so fast no little canvas shoes could possible contain them. Then, on to second grade when I couldn't find one whale turtleneck to be had and was still stuck in Swiss Miss braids when the other chicks had progressed to ponytails with grosgrain ribbon bows. Not to mention picking up layaway at Marshalls, for Christ's sake (about 1.5 million pairs of corduroy pants with white piping down the side--thanks Mom).
Approximately 1000000000000 fashion mishaps and day-late dollar-short ensembles that are hopelessly out of style by the time I pull them over my fat ass, I'm now an adult crying because I can't dress like Carrie Bradshaw (see--already passe) or the girls from the OC.
Patricia Fields would likely approve of this now
Personal style should have been cultivated by now, but, alas, it isn't. Today drove the point home further when I looked down at my outfit at work and realized there was no way in hell I was running any errands at lunch because it was horrifying. See-through Hecht's pants with a flat-front way-too-tight elastic waist (elastic in the back, natch) THAT WERE MY MOTHER'S , too-tight black sweater, old-lady black shoes, and some horrific earrings that hadn't seen their way out of the jewelry box since 1999. What happened? I thought. Did I get dressed in the dark? Was I awake when I got dressed? This phenomena has been happening more frequently--am I mentally ill? Or do I just have terribly bourgeois taste?
Wait a minute...there's no Dress Barn Woman out here!
I have become a walking advertisement for Mom Jeans and/or a Kathy Bates understudy for the local production of Fried Green Tomatoes. At times like this, I can only thank the Lord that my coworkers dress worse than I do and that I don't live in NYC.
5 comments:
Do you know who Chubby Brown is? I thought he was someone that didn't travel well beyond English shores. No one even gets him in the South here?
This is my favorite topic because as much "knowledge" as I have in my adult years regarding fashion, I STILL DO THIS. Think I look like hot shit at an event and get the pictures back and am mortified. There is one event in particular that I won't even mention because I might shrivel up and die from embarassment... Ok, the Ball de Sade circa 2002.
i only know who chubby brown is from finding this picture (a look alike by the way) on the internet. and you'd be hard pressed to find others in the states--southern or otherwise--who know him. but i'm sure he's great...anyone who would wear this getup has to be funny!
stephanie you should have seen my outfits from the past two days--they have been beyond hilarious. yesterday was nicknamed "The Caribbean Clown" if that tells you anything.
this is the only reason i believe deep down i'm meant to have a roommate. someone has to do damage control. thank god i only work with lawyers.
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